The Nyazian Prophecies

Connor let out a grunt as he sailed over the produce bin. Apples spilled onto the linoleum floor. They smashed into a disgusting pulp as Connor fell onto the scattered fruit.

The vampire-- a svelte blonde in torn jeans-- let out a growl as she leapt over the bin, descending upon Connor. "You're dead, boy..."

Connor rolled out of the way, grabbing the edge of a shopping cart. He pushed it hard, sending it careening into vampire, knocking her off her feet.

A growl came from behind Connor. He whirled around to see the female's companion, a burly vampire with a mullet, coming towards him. He performed a roundhouse kick and knocked the large opponent to the ground.

"You know," Connor grabbed a head of lettuce, chucking it at the female as she charged him. It broke on impact, sending leaves over the floor. "Grocery shopping is lame enough without vampires attacking me."

Both vampires ran towards Connor. He leapt up, jumping over the female vampire and landing on top of the shelves. He looked down at the pair of vampires, an arrogant smirk on his face. "You guys must be new to town. You don't know who you're dealing with. I'm the De-- AGH!"

The shelves, not made to hold the weight of a grown man, gave way. Connor fell down along with the collapsing shelving unit, buried beneath boxes of crackers.

Connor groaned, smiling wryly. "I kinda wish I could disagree with you... But that was a bonehead move."

The woman growled, coming up behind the male. "You know, I just thought you were an easy meal... Now... I want to cut you open and play with your guts."

Connor wrinkled his nose. "Gross." He grabbed a box of saltines and threw them at the male vampire. With the vampire temporarily distracted, Connor flipped to his feet, hands clenched into fists. "You vamps really should deal with your issues."

He smirked. "Actually... I have a better idea." He jumped into the air, kicking both of the vampires in the face, knocking them back. Connor landed in a crouch, his smile positively feral.

The vampires got back to their feet, both growling and rushing at Connor, one on each side. Remaining calm, Connor extended his arms. The spring-loaded stakes inside of his denim jacket popped out, embedding themselves deep into the vampires' chests.

The resulting cloud of dust as they exploded spread around Connor like a halo. The cloud dissipated, revealing Salome standing beside the oranges.

Salome remained calm, crossing her arms over her chest. "Don't forget to pick up the milk."


Vincent Kartheiser	Anna Paquin	Bret Harrison	Kou Shibasaki	Allison Mack	and Tom Lenk

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Based on the Characters by Joss Whedon	Created by Emcee

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Special Guest Star

Andy Hallett

Guest Starring

Archie Kao
Mackenzie Rosman
James Franco

Written by

Emcee

Salome pushed the cart out to the parking lot towards the black Viper. "Gotta love you, Ace... You are the only person who could turn a simple shopping trip into a slayfest. It's almost cute."

"What do you want?" Salome asked, smiling coyly. "Should I say that everything you do is completely and utterly adorable?"

"Uh... Yeah... That would be good." Connor wrapped an arm around Salome's waist, lifting her and setting her on top of the hood of the car. He leaned in, kissing her deeply. "Mmm... You know, we haven't properly christened this car yet. Doesn't seemed right, driving around in a car you and I haven't..."

"Hey, hey, hey..." Salome brought up a ringed finger, placing it to Connor's lips. "We have ice cream in the cart. We need to get that home and into the fridge."

Connor brushed Salome's hand away, leaning in closer. He brushed his lips against hers. "I could always just eat it off your stomach."

Salome laughed, giving Connor a gentle push. "You are going to have to curb that voracious libido, Mister Angel." She hopped off the hood, giving Connor a quick kiss. "I really need to discover more about my powers. I think I might have some sort of demon pheromone thing working for me I am as yet unaware of."

Connor chuckled, nuzzling Salome's cheek. "Oh, that's all you, baby." He wrapped an arm around Salome's waist, hugging her from behind. "No demon has ever been as hot as you."

"Oh, I seem to recall some lingering glances at Dahlia's girls..." Salome teased. "Not to mention Siobhan..."

"Jay and I really jones for hot demon chicks, don't we?" Connor rested his chin on Salome's shoulder.

Connor's grin widened. "Well, I think our tastes have matured. Now we dig on super babes who say aboot."

Salome nodded slowly. "Well, you know, there's not a lot to do up there except drink beer, eat moose and fight vampires." She turned slowly to face Connor and arched a brow. "All of the hockey you watch and everything you know about Canada is a stereotype?"

"Western Canadian," Salome said flatly. "And cut off from civilization for fifteen years. I. Do not. Say. Aboot."

"Well, I dunno about Miss Slay--" Salome trailed off as she looked over Connor's shoulder, eyes going wide. "Connor."

"What?" Connor turned around to see where Salome was looking. A crowd of about a dozen people were coming towards them. They were all different ages-- from teenager to elderly, both men and women.

Connor wrapped his fingers around the handle of his knife. "It depends. Who do you think I am?"

An older man with white hair-- the leader judging by his stance-- stepped forwards.

"Ace..." Salome grabbed Connor's hand, pulling it away from his knife. "They're human."

"I know," Connor murmured. "I can hear their heartbeats." He licked his lips slowly. "But they're beating really fast right now." He looked over the crowd. "What's going on?"

"We've found you." The leader dropped to his knees in front of Connor. The others followed, prostrating themselves. "Finally, we've found the father of our most divine Jasmine."

Mandy grunted as she hit the slightly damp grass with a dull thump. She pushed herself up, getting on hands and knees. She looked up, blades of grass clinging to her cheek. She sniffed, a trickle of blood sliding down from one nostril. "Is it just me, or are they getting more powerful?"

Her opponent-- a bulky, tall vampire with an incredibly twisted demon visage-- growled fiercely. "I always wanted to know what a Slayer tasted like."

"Well, I always wanted to take tap dancing lessons." Mandy performed a sweeping kick, hitting the vampire's ankles and knocking him off his feet. "You can't always get what you want."

The vampire jumped back to his feet, angered by Mandy's attack. "You little bi--"

An arrow whizzed through the air, embedding itself in the vampire's chest. It turned to ash, which fell onto Mandy. She coughed hard, brushing the settling dust off her shoulders. "Man, I hate that part."

Jamie jumped down from the top of the crypt, crossbow in hand. "You hate that part? I would think compared to the fighting, dust would be preferred."

Mandy shrugged noncommittally. "Well, it's a lot harder to get the dust out of my hair than it is to stake them... Usually."

Mandy accepted the hand graciously, rubbing her neck gingerly as she got back up. "I'm all right. That guy was wicked strong though. Good shot."

Jamie smiled proudly. "All of those hours playing Duck Hunt weren't a complete waste of time." He frowned slightly. "But I have to say it.... Tap-dancing?"

Mandy shrugged again. "My parents thought it was déclassé. That always bummed me out."

Mandy grinned back. "Aren't I?" She held out her hand to him. "Come on. I think that's all the action we're going to see for tonight. It's actually been pretty quiet."

Mandy's smile turned to a frown as she looked over at her boyfriend. "You... Don't like when it's quiet?" She pulled herself closer to him. "You see, I would think you would appreciate time to be able to try and get me into bed with you."

Jamie sighed, squeezing Mandy's hand tightly. "Not that I don't totally love getting completely frustrated over my inability to get into a girl's pants, but the quiet... It freaks me out. It makes me think something big is coming."

Mandy cocked her head curiously. "This is opposed to when things are getting all crazy when something big is coming?"

"Either way, we're completely boned!" Jamie exclaimed with a frustrated noise. "It's either quiet and we're waiting for the other shoe to drop or things are going crazy and we know it's just going to get worse."

"Hey!" Jamie protested. "I am just fatalistic enough." He stopped and stepped in front of Mandy, taking both her hands. His head was bowed slightly. "Seriously, Mand. Our lives kinda suck full time. You're not the least bit worried?"

Mandy licked her lips slowly, considering Jamie's words. She smiled then shook her head. "No. Not really."

Mandy shrugged slightly. "I dunno." She pulled Jamie out of the gate toward Andrew's run down Beetle. "I've done a lot of reading on Buffy and Connor's dad and I heard about what you guys did last year and--" She shrugged once again, letting out a small laugh. "We always get it done. Even when things seem impossible, we come through somehow. Vampires, Hellgods, Witches, law firms... No matter what, we win in the end. And I guess I don't think it's going to be any different this time."

"But it's more than just a Hellgod," Jamie murmured. "It's the world literally falling to pieces. We're going to get sucked into hell and the god isn't even the one doing it! We don't know what's doing it!"

"We'll figure it out," Mandy assured him, placing a comforting hand on his cheek.

Jamie leaned against Mandy's gentle hand. "How are we ever going to figure this out, Mand?"

Jamie snorted out a laugh, covering Mandy's hand with his own. "Very reassuring." He gently squeezed her hand. "I feel safer already."

Mandy freed her hand from Jamie's grasp and slid her arms around his neck. "Hey. Maybe I can't make you feel safer, but I can at the very least make you feel better?"

Mandy leaned in, pressing a firm kiss to Jamie's mouth. His eyes slid shut and he wrapped his arms around her waist, drawing her closer. His fingers idly caressed the small of her back, tracing the tattoo he knew resided there.

Jamie nodded. "Yeah. I think it did. Feeling much less fatalistic and more like a normal twenty-one year old guy."

Mandy laughed softly, pulling away from Jamie. "Come on, normal guy." She grabbed his hand and pulled him to the car.

" And so I say, 'well, the two of us disagree with you, hombre.' And he's all... 'The two of you?' And I say, 'Yeah. Me and my electric net.'..."

Andrew leaned over the bar, speaking animatedly with a young man in a Punisher shirt. The guy shook his head, laughing softly. "You're making that up!"

The guy leaned against the bar, very close to Andrew. "You're telling me fought against a vampire gunfighter."

"Lyle Gorch," Andrew said calmly. He smiled softly. "So, does it creep you out that I can name vampires?"

Eyes sparkling, Andrew's companion shrugged. "Not really. I work at the only magic shop in town. I've seen things that you couldn't even imagine."

"I can imagine quite a bit," Andrew replied. He moved a bit closer to his friend.

"Hey there kids!" Lorne slid down the bar, shaking a mixer. "Can I give you another appletini, Andrew?"

Lorne paused. "I... Uh... Didn't think you were." Lorne looked over at Andrew's companion. "Oh... But I can see why you might. Who do we have here?"

"Matthew and Andrew, huh?" Lorne chuckled. "Just imagine the couplets that will be written."

Lorne leaned in close to Andrew. "Sorry, Andy. I didn't realize I was intruding on a private soiree. I'll skedaddle post haste."

"We-- We're just celebrating making a deal." Andrew replied, his voice rather squeaky.

"I'm serious," Andrew murmured. "I agreed to give Matty a discount on the Ultimates in exchange for free mandrake."

Lorne smiled, nodding knowingly. "If you say so. I'll just get out of your hair... Hey, Clem! How's the Missus?"

Both Matty and Andrew watched Lorne go off. Matty shook his head slowly. "I've been hearing about this place for months. Yet all of the stories seem to leave out the part about the flamboyant green demon who likes to play matchmaker."

"Lorne is something you have to see to believe," Andrew replied with a smile at Matty. "So... Uhh..."

Andrew's eyes grew wider. "Uhhh..." He looked to the door and saw Oni enter. "Hey! It's my friend!" He hurried over to Oni, leaving Matty standing at the bar.

"Hello Mister Wells." Oni smiled at Andrew serenely. "I was not expecting to see you here. I thought you might be out patrolling with Mandelina and James."

"I had a--" Andrew looked over his shoulder at Matty. "I had a thing." He shook his head. "I thought you had a date with Crawford tonight."

Crawford came up behind Oni, a hooded sweatshirt pulled up to hide his scarred face. "Hey Andrew." His voice was hoarse. He covered his mouth, letting out a loud cough.

Andrew frowned when he noticed droplets of blood on Crawford's hand. "Crawford? Andrew drew out the name, a hesitant concern in his voice. "Are you all right?"

Oni peered over at Matty. "If it is not a romantic social engagement, you may want to consider making it one. He is quite attractive by human standards. You would make a very pretty pair."

"I..." Andrew looked panicked. "You..." He looked down, rubbing the back of his neck. "Uh, have fun." He turned and quickly sprinted back to Matty. They spoke quietly for a moment before Andrew departed, pushing past Oni and Crawford at the door.

Oni frowned deeply as Crawford pulled her to a free table in the corner. "I made a social misjudgement again, didn't I?"

"I'm not the best judge of interpersonal interaction," Crawford hunched down. "I've spent the last five years living in the basement of a disused theatre." He paused. "But yeah. You screwed the pooch there."

Oni pouted, lower lip jutting out. "I did not mean to. I only wished for Mister Wells to be able to express himself romantically. And that young man appears to be interested in him, judging by the way he laughs and touches Mister Wells' hand."

Crawford smiled at Oni. "You're really sweet, On..." He scratched his head. "Is Andrew even into guys?"

"I am unaware of Mister Wells' orientation," Oni replied. "It would just be nice for him to have a mate. The rest of us are coupled and he shouldn't be alone."

Oni accepted his tender kiss before smiling back at Crawford. "So you are my boyfriend?"

"That pleases me exponentially," Oni whispered. She bit her lip. "Now are you going to tell your girlfriend what's wrong with you?"

Oni squeezed Crawford's clawed hand tightly. "You can feel free to speak to me about it if you wish."

"I don't want to speak to you," Crawford snapped, pulling his hand away. Seeing her hurt expression, he sighed deeply. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. It's just a small cold." He stroked her cheek gently. "You don't need to worry." He brushed a lock of hair off of her face. "But I like that you do."

"Please love," Crawford murmured. "If there was something to talk about, we'd talk about it."

"If you are concerned about seeing a doctor due to your demonic mutations, I am acquainted with a young lady who is familiar with supernatural physiology. She would be comfortable with examining a body that has been mutated by the power of a hell dimension."

Crawford looked uncomfortable for a moment, looking around for an escape. He then saw Lorne. "Hey! Lorne! Over here!"

Brow furrowed, Lorne made his way over to the table. "Hey kids. How are you doing?"

Lorne looked suspiciously at Crawford. "And you look like you're out on a date and don't need a third wheel." He glanced over at Oni. "And I think someone would agree with me."

He then cocked his head, looking deep into Crawford's eyes. He frowned deeply. "Crawford..."

Lorne's gaze moved back over to Oni. He looked deadly serious. "I think you two need to have a talk..."

"Then I think we need to talk," Lorne reached over to put a hand on Crawford shoulder. "Right now."

"I'm not really in the mood." Expression darkening, Crawford looked every bit a demon.

"Take a message, Chico," Lorne didn't take his eyes off Crawford. "I'm a little busy."

Chico took a deep breath. "It's Jasmine. Salome said... Well, you have to see it to believe it."

Connor and Salome stared silently at the crowd kneeling on the front lawn. Andrew frowned as he walked up the driveway and stood next to them. "So..." He whispered to Connor. "What the heck is going on?"

"Andrew, these--" Connor gestured to the crowd. "--Are people who worship me for being the father of Jasmine."

Andrew shook his head. "I don't even know what's going on around here. How would I have any idea what to do?"

"Maybe you should talk to them," Salome whispered to Connor. "Find out exactly why they're here."

Connor nodded. He stepped towards the leader, but paused. He turned back to Andrew and Salome. "Umm... I'm kinda scared."

Salome rolled her eyes. "Destroyer, my ass," she muttered, striding over to the leader of the group. "Hey, can we talk?"

Salome frowned slightly at the harshness of the question. "Well... We were kinda wondering that about you. Why are you here?"

"We are here to worship the Miracle Child, the father of the wonderous Jasmine," the leader bowed his head towards Connor.

"Yeah..." Salome nodded slowly. "We got that part already." Salome knelt down. "What's your name?"

"Hey Truman," Salome smiled softly. "I'm Salome. So why now? Why did it take you two years to come to Connor?"

"It was only now that Faye could sense where the Destroyer was hiding," Truman gestured to the young woman beside him. She couldn't have been more than seventeen years old. "We have been looking for you desperately prior to her revelation."

Connor finally found his voice, crossing his arms tightly over his chest. "So what do you think I can do for you?"

Truman rose to his feet. "You, whose blood ran deep in the Goddess Jasmine... You will help us bring her back."